Continuing on with the themes of Anita's book (Dying to be Me), I must admit to myself what I believe has caused my state of ill health.
While I can identify what makes sense physiologically, etc., I know that is not the true explanation for why I am so sick.
I spent the majority of my life consumed with self doubt and self hatred. I never measured up. For years, I blamed my parents for this but have discovered that this was never the case.
I have already explained how I gave away my inner power to people, places, things and circumstances outside me. In essence, I created, through my perception, all those people, places, etc. I made certain that I was judged at every turn....I guaranteed that I would disappoint. Because of this and my view that the world was a place to be feared, I loathed myself and my existence, even if I achieved success.
No one can live a healthy life with this degree of self hatred and anger seething and swimming through their body. It is a wonder I have made it this far!
By recognizing this pattern, I have begun to heal. In releasing these old patterns and my past, I will continue to heal.
"Every morning we are born again. What we do today matters most" Buddha
In reading this, I understood that all my yesterdays and what existed within them are gone! As of this morning, I woke up completely healthy and restored!! How powerful and beautiful that we are essentially resurrected every morning as our eyes greet a brand new, perfect world.
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