Friday, October 25, 2013

Getting to Know Me

Over time, I have realized that most of my youth was spent trying desperately to please others in an effort to be loved. As I got older, I brought this pattern into adult relationships as well. 

Now I could go to counseling and I did...what I found out was that my parents loved me to the best of their abilities and any inability to love probably came from their own issues with their parents and how they grew up. I also learned about passive aggressiveness during these sessions.

In studying spirituality and healing, I learned that I could and must change the way I looked at things and in time, the things I looked at would change. This made a great deal of sense.

However, after the death of my dad (my mom passed in 1991), I realized that I had some very deep pain inside of me - this pain always came out as feeling that my family really never loved me UNLESS I was doing what they approved of. Deep, deep down, I was never loved unconditionally despite it all.

I tried to change my perceptions....I truly believe that I am a child of God and that is enough - or at least I understand this intellectually. Unfortunately, far down in my soul, I still have had incredibly pain and I cannot figure out why, if I am so loved by God, I just don't feel it.

Today I heard that still, small voice that is booming with wisdom! "You are loved unconditionally but you refuse to let anyone in to love you in this way."

WOW!!! Could it be that simple? Was I not allowing love in? The answer was IS unconditional but it must be allowed into the soul and heart to have an impact. Sometimes the answer is so simple, it is too hard to see!

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