I have had a rough few days. First, I have been sick off and on since Thanksgiving. This is especially hard because my dad needs me to be with him and available. Being sick has forced me to stay home and get well, making me feel incredibly guilty.
Secondly, I have had some tough calls with family ...we have never really been close but when my dad had his stroke, I was hopeful that things would change. They didn't ..in fact, the more difficult the situation becomes, it seems the more cruel family can become as well.
Lastly, I reached out to someone for whom I have always been available and I was basically told that their issues were far more important than mine. I was devastated and feeling so alone. I hardly ever ask anyone for help because I am usually able to get myself out of these crazy places with a lot of prayer and instruction from higher help! This time was different...maybe because I am sick or because I have been under so much stress, I don't know, but I have been truly low, low, low and was so certain that this friend would be there no matter what.
My first reaction was deep hurt and then anger....my second reaction was to write out my feelings and share them. Finally, I got it! Until I love myself enough to attract the right people into my life, I will forever be disappointed. Most of us want to look outside ourselves for what is wrong in our lives..I choose to look in. When I am not attracting everything I believe I want and should be blessed with, then I am doing or not doing something crucial that needs to be looked at.
Most of the time, this comes back to how we truly feel about ourselves. Are we deserving of what we work to achieve? Are we finding friends and/or other relationships that mirror back to us what we think of ourselves, good or bad? The answers are NEVER outside...they are within as is the Kingdom of God. This is not religious in any respect..it is instead a hint to where our true power lies. WITHIN!
But, and this is critical, that power is ONLY surrounded by love and light without ego, expectation or judgment. We cannot access this power if it is bringing someone else to there knees or if it is not truly based in self love that radiates from within us.
So, I ask you...Who are you??? Are you pure love and light or do you expect to be fulfilled by those people and things that are around you? Remember, that which is around us cannot be taken with us into eternity...but love and light are more powerful than anything else and INFINITE!!
Look into your mirror...forgive yourself for everything but take your lessons to heart. And then, when you are clear and free, tell yourself how much you are loved whether or not you are part of a huge group of friends or just a few. Love yourself as you would love your best friend, you will not be disappointed.