For some reason, I have been having a writers block! However, these are some thoughts and epiphanies that have come to me in the last week...I share them with you and hope they help you navigate a sometimes winding, twisting path in life.
I have been reminded of probably my greatest challenge in life and that is to live in faith when everything in my being wants to take over and live in my intellect or react from my emotions!
So what is this thing we call faith? In the King James Version of the Bible, Hebrews 11:1 says this:
Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen.
This is a tall order...believing that what we desire will happen even when we cannot see the proof of it coming to us. Most of us have trouble with this. We are far more comfortable being intellectual and educating ourselves on issues so that we can make sound decisions. Unfortunately, what I see in the world is that most of us continually feel we have made the wrong decisions in life and we are held hostage not only by these decisions, but by the consequences of them as well. All the education and knowledge in the world does not guarantee that our choices will turn out the way we expect them to or guarantee us that we have made the RIGHT decision.
I struggle constantly with this very issue. I say that because as much work as I have done on myself, there are still issues and patterns that arise which I need to uncover and discard. This is a process and one that has no graduation date! Probably my greatest test of faith has to do with keeping myself afloat financially while working with people who are themselves struggling emotionally, physically, spiritually and financially. This is not an easy economy in which to have a spiritual and healing practice; often times at the end of the month or a week before that, I am deciding if I should pay for gas or food.
Today I was in a place of fear about money and after a short burst of tears, I became still and quiet. I listened for guidance and answers - within moments they came! I heard the words “God is your business manager.” Now how in the world can I fail if the Creator of this remarkable Universe is in charge of making sure I can pay my rent, buy food and put gas in my car?
My experience with faith has been that the more I trust in my God, the more I find that I am ONE with this power. Just as is taught, the Kingdom of God is within me. When I place my trust and faith in this power and surrender all the results, not only is my fear stripped away, but I am given opportunities to experience my Oneness with God all the time. I can think of no better reward!
For me, faith means that I get out of my heads (thoughts) and out of my heart (emotions) so that I may reconnect to spirit; by so doing, I reconnect to that awesome energy and force that created this Universe. From this place, I get the big guns of information for download!
A TRUE HIGHER POWER
I ask almost everyone I work with if they believe in God, a Creator, a Source or a Higher Power. Inevitably, everyone says, “oh yes, I do.” But, when I ask them what that higher power is or looks like to them, they stare at me as if I have two heads!
It is not enough, especially when one is ill or in a challenging place, to have a vague notion of a higher power. After all, if you needed a doctor, you would see that image in your minds eye, then do your research and find a doctor. You would not just walk around looking for someone who kind of resembled a doctor, maybe or hopefully!! So, when you need a force that can help you really heal and not just treat your symptoms, why is it enough to just kind of, maybe, once in a while, think about God or this Power?
Take time to form a picture and a resume of what this power, force, energy or being is to you. This is YOUR higher power and he/she/it can be anything and anyone you choose it to be. Create a detailed picture in your mind. Form an intimate relationship with this amazing, infinite power because when you need a lot of help, this is the place you want to be.
I have said this before and I will keep saying it, my God is my best friend, my advisor, my counselor and my advocate (and now my business manager!). I talk with God all day long and ask for clarity, miracles and guidance. Not only do I talk and ask, but I KNOW without any doubt that all the answers are on a blackboard right in front of me and all I really am asking for is a new pair of glasses so that I can read everything more clearly. I work very hard at always going into my sidebars with God having trust! This is the power that created the Universe and keeps it going – how could I doubt that?
So...when you get really serious about deep healing on a physical, emotional and spiritual level, you must get to know the power and force that you believe created all of this awesome stuff! That way, when you go to this power, you know the outcome is going to be just as awesome and amazing!
P.S. The additional benefit to this is the following: when you have a higher power or God like this, you no longer need to rely solely on humans for help. I think we all know how hard it is when we are suffering and chronically ill or in pain for a long period of time. We don't want to be a burden and yet, we need to know that we are not alone. Having this relationship with God/Creator/Source will offer you a place of refuge and give those humans in your life a chance to step back once in a while and see that you are really and truly something beautiful and perfect to behold as you take your healing to a new level! And who knows? Maybe you will end up giving your human friends some pretty amazing counsel as well!
As you begin to form a relationship with your God or higher power, you will be amazed at all the opportunities you are given to surrender your will to this force. When you finally experience what it is like to live in this surrender and without fear, you will live a life you cannot dream of!
EGO (Edging God Out)
When working towards any kind of healing be it emotional, physical or spiritual, one must begin to identify how ego works in his/her life. When I speak of ego, I am not talking about the “I am just so great” idea of ego, but the part of a person that sees him or her as separate from others and from God, the part of the person that wants to remain in control all the time and never surrender the results to any unknown outcome. Ego is also the part of us that judges ourselves and others as well as the part that cannot forgive ourselves or others. Ego is also the part of us that lives in fear.
I have come to believe that I became sick with fibromyalgia, endometriosis and RSD all at the same time because I needed to wake up and answer God's call! Although I had spent most of my life knowing that God existed as an infinite, loving and powerful force, I did not trust that this God cared about me specifically. I had been in a great deal of fear for most of my life and as an intelligent woman, I learned that controlling everything was my only technique for combatting this fear. Unfortunately, this did not work well and caused me to become more fearful, more controlling and more judgemental.
When I was finally faced with losing the use of my legs altogether, I unplugged my ears, put my ego on hold and heard the still, small voice that had been calling me for years.
Since that day, my life has changed in ways I can hardly imagine. No, I am not wealthy beyond belief and I have not met the love of my life...but, I am healed inside and out and that is priceless. I learned to forgive myself and those around me for everything that I had seen as some slight against me.
Not only was I able to forgive, but I was able to see how I had taken every incident in my life and made it ONLY about me – even when it was clearly about someone or something totally unrelated to me! Releasing the need to always be center stage was such a relief! I had always admired those people who could go into a crowd of people and sit quietly and at ease amongst them because I was never able to do that – today I am free to just be still amidst the chaos and noise and it is wonderful!
Just as important, I am able to take every challenge that in the past might have unhinged me and see that it is a lesson to help me grow. When I approach difficulties in this way, they are no longer roadblocks but they become roadsigns directing me where I need to focus and change. As I rely on my Creator to help me, we both move towards another place of learning and healing...again, this is a process that I could not live without!
FORGIVENESS & JUDGEMENT
Ok..let's get this straight right now...forgiveness is NOT about condoning bad behavior! Most people that I work with cannot forgive someone because they feel that if they do then that will mean they accept what was done to them. That is not it at all. Forgiveness is about releasing the toxic energy that the incident created within you; after all, it is doubtful that the person who slighted you is carrying around hurt and resentment! So, you must learn to forgive, if nothing else than to allow your body the freedom from ever carrying any negative or dark energy within it again.
If you have a hard time with forgiveness, you must ask God/Source/Creator or your higher power to help you. Ask for guidance on this. Ask to have the negativity released from within you. Ask for a way to find forgiveness for someone. God knows what you need and will always provide when asked.
Today, I began to think about an exchange that happened on an online community forum. I was really put out by the negativity and judgement that was going back and forth until it hit me square in the chest: the experience or the reality is literally created by the observer. Therefore, no one but the observer will have that specific reality or experience; if that is the case, then I have no way of truly knowing what you are experiencing (seeing, hearing, feeling, tasting or smelling) because as you are the observer of YOUR reality, your experience by definition MUST BE completely different from mine!
This is just beautiful because it releases us from every having to engage in judgement. If we can never know what anyone else is actually experiencing, because it is unique only to them, then how in the world can we judge it? If we did have the guts to make a judgement, we would be doing so from a place of total ignorance!
The moment I really “got it” gave me immense freedom. I think most of us are judgemental even when we don't think we are being so. I know I am and often I catch myself about 10 or 15 minutes into it before I realize what I am doing...it usually goes like this: “So and so did this to me or said this to me and I just cannot understand why they said it. I mean if they know me at all, then they know that they should not have said or done that because it is incredibly hurtful. Why in the world are they not treating ME the way they would want to be treated?'
On and on it can go if I let my mind have free reign. But now, I know...they may have said or done something based on an experience or reality that I am unable to fully experience in the same way. For this, I cannot pass judgement.
Now here is where this gets really cool! If we eradicate judgement, then we begin to vibrate at a higher frequency that is more based in and aligned with love. As we do this and others also do this, then we are becoming more and more alike or in tune with each other; the byproduct of this is that our experiences will become more similar and we will become more as one or of like thought! (and being of like thought is what we have been wanting all along!)
SOME LAST THOUGHTS
This is a tough world to navigate when one is healthy. It is even harder when one is sensitive, empathic and vulnerable. Add to that a chronic illness or pain and it is nearly impossible. Everything we go through in this life is teaching us something. Usually we are learning how to love ourselves and others without ego, expectation or judgement.
I often find that people either really love me or they really hate me – there is no in between. When I come across those who hate me, they often go out of their way to be cruel and hurtful; I never understsood this and recently ask God if I was being punished for something. What I heard astounded me! A voice that was so clear said the following: “Little One, this is not punishment for you. This is your opportunity to show those who need it most how to live a life centered in God and Christ Consciousness. You have many opportunities to show others how to live in love and in light. This is your blessing, Little One.”
A few days after that happened, I read a timely piece on why there are people in our life who cause us pain. I am pasting it here for you as it says perfectly what I want to share!
The Awakening: Vicky Anderson
"At this level, all thought waves that are not wanted are not merely pushed away, but rather, our mind is transformed and our perspectives are shifted. This is one of the biggest shifts people will experience during humanity's current evolution. We must come to understand that the events that cause our emotional issues are deliberately orchestrated by our Spirit. This is done as part of the Divine plan, both for our own growth and for the growth of humanity.
Many of our thoughts are not from our own mind. So the people who cause your unwanted emotional issues are not really responsible for their actions at all. It is their compassionate Spirit who, from the soul level, agrees for them to play the 'bad guys' in each of the karmic dramas in your life. And your Spirit also agrees for you to play the 'bad guy' from time to time, so they too can grow emotionally and spiritually. Both of these Spirits, yours and theirs, love you more than you can know.
The minute we release the grudges we hold toward these people for playing their part in our dramas, our sub-conscious mind can inform our Spirit that these grudges no longer have a hold on us. That’s when our Spirit opens for us a direct line of communication with God."
This is such an important place for us to be able to get to...a direct line of communication with God/Creator/Source or Higher Power.
Your God wants this for all of us. Get to know your God or higher power and find out what special blessings you are being given. As you do, you will heal because you will release those things which is of human creation that keeps us separated from our Oneness with our God.
And Finally...BAD THINGS IN GOD'S WORLD
People will often use the argument that there is no God because there is so much negativity, illness and horror in this world. I have learned that everything which is negative in this world is man-made, not God made! God wants us to be abundant, prosperous and healthy. Only man can create limits, poverty and disease. If we are aligned with and remember our Oneness with Source, then we do not have to experience the darkness of humanity. We can be free, healthy and at peace to live always in the Light. Namaste.