Hello My Fellow Seekers,
Well, color me violet and indigo! I had a moment of sheer and divine epiphany again! Isn't this great?
So, I am sitting here re-reading a book called Messages From the Masters (Brian Weiss, MD) and there is a story about Elisabeth Kubler Ross and her mother who had a stroke and died four years later after suffering terribly by not being able to take care of herself. The mother was a woman who always gave to others freely, but never was able to freely receive. After she died, her daughter Elisabeth was VERY angry with God over what happened; one day during a regular meditation, she heard a divine voice ask her why she was so angry. She replied that God had betrayed her mother. God answered that her mother was NEVER betrayed, but instead offered the option of learning how to receive love in only four years as opposed to having to die and return for another lifetime learning how to receive love as someone who was chronically ill or impaired. Love must be balanced. This was a true gift to her mother!
In that moment, I realized something HUGE! I have been writing and blogging all summer about fear and about my family that doesn't understand my work and their roles in my life as people who also have fear, etc. What I have failed to do is just receive their love for me! Despite the fact that they may do things for me in ways that are different from what I want, they are still doing something...in their own way, they have loved me and in my own way, I failed to accept this and receive it openly and willingly!
This inability to receive is part of the reason why things have been so difficult for me. Until I was unable to receive love freely wherever it was being given, I was going to have to keep learning the lesson the hard way!
How many of us do this and don't realize we are blocking gifts of love with our own struggle? If we stop struggling for just a moment and ask for clarity, we may be able to see what we have been missing! I know I just did.
Thank you for the lesson!
Namaste
Shatter the illusion of what you believe reality to be. Begin the journey of remembering what you have always known is the only truth - You are One with God.
Sunday, September 19, 2010
Friday, September 17, 2010
More Insights, More Surrender & More of This Divine Life!
I operate my life and my relationships according to the following insights:
1. The physical universe is an actualization of my thoughts.
2. If my thoughts are cancerous, they create a cancerous physical reality.
3. If my thoughts are perfect, they create a physical reality brimming with LOVE.
4. I am 100% responsible for creating my physical universe the way it is.
5. I am 100% responsible for correcting the cancerous thoughts that create a diseased reality.
6. There is no such thing as out there. Everything exists as thoughts in my mind.
These insights are part of an ancient healing technique from Hawaii called Ho’oponopono.
Ho'oponopono is about taking full responsibility for your life and all the good or bad circumstances in it.
Recently, I have posted a lot about fear. The reason I have done this is to impart to you how all pervasive this emotion is in our society today and how damaging its effects can be. Over the last few weeks, I have been going through a great deal of pain with even more growth and insight...such a beautiful blessing.
I want to share some of these more recent insights with you. Take a look and see how you might be dealing with the world, remembering that your world is really your own creation and as such, it can be re-created at any time!!!
Before you change your world, you need to be deeply honest about how you have constructed it thus far. Once you examine your current world, you can then take steps to discard what you don't like and create anew, what you do like!
Truly empowering.
Friend or Foe
This might sound like the most simple concept in the world, yet it took a dear friend to help me see it:
Do you see the world as a friendly place or a hostile place?
The answer to this may explain numerous things to you...I for one have grown up seeing the world as a hostile and threatening place. It was not until today when she said this question to me, that I got “it”! And by “it” I mean that everything I was doing in life has been premised on the fact that I need to protect myself from the world. WOW...that is an exhausting task!
Now the reason this is so powerful is that my subconscious mind had taken the idea that the world is a hostile place and kept it as truth. No matter what I did consciously to see or do differently, my subconscious mind had the real programming and would not allow me to break through this reality.
Consequently, I was unable to allow myself to receive freely because I was unintentionally blocking all friendly and good things by this subconscious programming.
I could spend time telling you how I ended up believing this, but that is really not important – it is interesting but not terribly helpful to ending the problem. The minute my friend said that I was blocking out the good by this view that the world is unfriendly, I woke up! Although I may have known what I was doing intellectually, my essence or spirit was not understanding it until that moment when I realized, “oh, she is right.” “Seeing the world as hostile has kept me from really enjoying the fruits of what I do.” After all, how could anyone receive anything from a world that seems to be a threat?
And even more important, anyone who believes that this world is a hostile place is by definition not living connected to God/Source/Creator. God or Source would not create such a place to begin with so even though I felt as if I were living side by side with God, I was not...instead, I was living in an alternate dimension where all was negative and angry.
Sweet Surrender
I cannot tell you how often I have used the word “surrender” in the last few months; I said it or thought it many, many times. Despite how much I used that word, I never actually understood what I meant by it! I was certain of one thing: Once I surrendered, I would finally be free of this gripping financial fear issue and the constant struggle with my family to understand and know me in my current role of intuitive, healer and spiritual adviser. So there I would sit in meditation, trying desperately to surrender and to feel that release. I craved that freedom that I just knew would engulf my whole being and then I would know that I had turned the corner. Try, try as I might, that freedom and surrender just would not come!
In fact, I kept actually feeling a physical block from surrender. I was working as hard as I could...trying to get there, but something kept blocking me from achieving it and so I worked even harder trying to get there, to that illusive surrender.
Then today, while reading about light workers, I was thinking about all those wonderful souls that I work with who (like me) are light workers when suddenly, BOOM, I felt it! I knew what it was in an instant! The IT was surrender! I had just surrendered fully!
Right then and there, I realized that surrender was not something I had to actively move towards or work at. All I had to do was move out of my own way and let God come into me! What I mean is this: I often talk about having a relationship with Source/Creator/God and how personal and intimate this must be. That is true. You must cultivate a relationship with Source that allows you to go there and be with Source when you need to. But, what I have left out is the following: You must allow God to come into you! This is the surrender. This is the place where you simply allow and KNOW from within and without that all you do, say, be and feel is from God/Source/Creator. From that moment on, as you move out of the way, life is no longer about you and control or ego; that part of you has surrendered (stepped aside) and is now replaced by God/Source/Creator!
And when it happens, oh my! When you release everything and know deep, deep down that it will be alright because you are no longer flying your plane; instead, you have turned that plane called LIFE over to the most sophisticated and powerful auto-pilot around!! You can sit back and glide - just learning and being because literally you and the father are one! Finally.
In these last few months, I knew something was wrong, but I did not realize it was the fundamental point of once again releasing control. In all the struggle and fear, I had taken back my ego and in doing so, my ego began holding me hostage.
“What will I do? What should I do? Should I get a “real” job like everyone is telling me to do? Why is this so hard...why can't this be easy ?” Mind chatter would go on and on... and on.
On top of all that, I began to resent people that I perceived as being responsible for my downfall...my family who was not supporting me and never had; my clients who were not following through when they had opted to work the month, but then canceled on me at the last minute. Once again, although I knew better, I was obsessed with everything outside of me; not only was I obsessed, but I was trying to fix, control or judge all of it. By doing this, I was once again imprisoned in negativity and powerlessness. Aarggghhhhh!!!
In the moment when I surrendered, I knew myself to be one with Creator/God/Source; instantly, all my resentments, worries and fears slipped easily away into some abyss no longer connected to anything to do with me. I am free!
So, remember that to surrender, you don't have to work at anything or aim for something or get somewhere. All you need to do is literally get out of your own way and invite your God/Creator/Source into that wide open space and become one with you. From this place of wholeness, you can know and be pure consciousness and bliss.
I am sharing with you, in order, the more recent epiphanies that I have had....here is the last piece of my big puzzle:
Crushing Cruelty
The other day I received an incredibly cruel and hateful letter from my landlord in response to my giving notice and explaining why I was leaving. I almost printed the letter here so you could see how venomous this was! I was shocked by the letter and its sentiment because I had no idea that I was disliked this intensely; for months, all the communications had told me that I was the most kind and considerate tenant ever!
What bothered me even more was the anger that was being poured into this piece of paper as if unloading on me would cure the deep fear the author was clearly experiencing. We have spent so many years being told that we must speak our truth as if being sure to blame someone else will release what we are feeling. Trust me, it doesn't. You will never be able to let all that negativity out of you until you actually take responsibility for creating it in the first place.
What I know is this: I may make mistakes but how someone else feels about me is THEIR issue, not mine as I have no control over their emotional state. After reading the letter, I was sad because I had no idea that the level of hostility towards me went so deep; had I known, I would have left months earlier. I never want to be in a situation where I am not wanted that much!
When I responded, I did so in kindness because the only thing I can control is how I feel, what I do and what I say; therefore, I am not going to respond to anger and hate with that in return. Instead, I will wrap it in love and energy with the intention of diffusing the power of it so that my body is not negatively affected by it.
Being able to do this was a result of all the work I have done over the years on learning about my purpose for being here and how to elevate my consciousness. I know that I am 100% responsible for changing anything in my life that I do not like; it it not someone else' responsibility to fix me. I could clearly see what was theirs to handle and what was mine.
Cells have memory.
Ok..so the truth of the matter, is I started to really get overwhelmed by the hostility directed at me in that letter. In becoming overwhelmed, I right away went back into fear. Despite all the work I have done and all the continued awareness, it is very easy for my body, mind and spirit to revert to old patterns. Even if I have released what I believe are the guts of those patterns, there are still remnants in my subconscious that I may not know about until these are brought forward into my conscious mind; however, the beauty of doing this work is knowing that I will have the opportunity to clear everything if I just keep going!
My body and spirit responds in the way it best remembers and until I change that, then I am stuck. So, much of what is happening now is simply a result of my past thinking and fear about the world. I get stuck in the subconscious belief that I am just not ok here. I have constructed a reality that, of course, will come after me since that is what I fear deep down. Also, having come from a fear-filled, overprotective family, I have created a pattern of relying on this family to bail me out of difficult situations. The result of doing this is a loss of courage and confidence that I can fall, pick myself up and continue on. Mistakes become too big and then I am too fearful of making them.
I had a realization through this experience that despite being sober for nearly four years, I have been unconsciously recreating those same patterns of addiction in other things. When I find myself in a crisis, I begin to panic and feel paralyzed. Then, I may decide I need to approach my father and ask for his help or to have him solve the problem. I agonize for days about having to, once again, admit my “failure” and go to him for help. This is true physical agony. Once I go to him, I receive the solution and I can release all the anxiety. Can you see how this is a little like an alcoholic agonizing over trying to not drink all day, then finally giving in and releasing all that pent up fear and anxiety once the alcohol hits the blood stream?
One of the hardest parts of life for an addict or alcoholic is overcoming the idea that stable is boring. For most of us, we have lived lives of extreme ups and downs. Stability is truly the unknown and if it is known to us, it seems dull. Although I have give up substances, I allowed the old patterns of chaos to creep back into my life and sabotage me. BUT...and this is the big BUT, I was able to see it! And, I was able to see it in a lot less time than it used to take. Most importantly, because I am taking responsibility for 100% of my life, I am able to CHANGE this and that is divine.
Today, I am been able to let go and move on to living a life as an adult woman who is true divinity as well.
Even though this may seem to take a great deal of time and a lot of hard work (both of which are true), the end result is living a life that is empowered, healthy and joyful with deep peace as well. Raising your consciousness so that your life is of a higher dimension, as well as having the tools to deal with all challenges is nothing short of miraculous and why not? Life should be celebrated and enjoyed...danced to and revelled in...the years go by in an instant and we must teach our children how precious these years are and how awesome this thing called Earth, Gaia is as well! Dance with me!
Not my will, but thine. Thank you for the lesson. - Paul Solomon
1. The physical universe is an actualization of my thoughts.
2. If my thoughts are cancerous, they create a cancerous physical reality.
3. If my thoughts are perfect, they create a physical reality brimming with LOVE.
4. I am 100% responsible for creating my physical universe the way it is.
5. I am 100% responsible for correcting the cancerous thoughts that create a diseased reality.
6. There is no such thing as out there. Everything exists as thoughts in my mind.
These insights are part of an ancient healing technique from Hawaii called Ho’oponopono.
Ho'oponopono is about taking full responsibility for your life and all the good or bad circumstances in it.
Recently, I have posted a lot about fear. The reason I have done this is to impart to you how all pervasive this emotion is in our society today and how damaging its effects can be. Over the last few weeks, I have been going through a great deal of pain with even more growth and insight...such a beautiful blessing.
I want to share some of these more recent insights with you. Take a look and see how you might be dealing with the world, remembering that your world is really your own creation and as such, it can be re-created at any time!!!
Before you change your world, you need to be deeply honest about how you have constructed it thus far. Once you examine your current world, you can then take steps to discard what you don't like and create anew, what you do like!
Truly empowering.
Friend or Foe
This might sound like the most simple concept in the world, yet it took a dear friend to help me see it:
Do you see the world as a friendly place or a hostile place?
The answer to this may explain numerous things to you...I for one have grown up seeing the world as a hostile and threatening place. It was not until today when she said this question to me, that I got “it”! And by “it” I mean that everything I was doing in life has been premised on the fact that I need to protect myself from the world. WOW...that is an exhausting task!
Now the reason this is so powerful is that my subconscious mind had taken the idea that the world is a hostile place and kept it as truth. No matter what I did consciously to see or do differently, my subconscious mind had the real programming and would not allow me to break through this reality.
Consequently, I was unable to allow myself to receive freely because I was unintentionally blocking all friendly and good things by this subconscious programming.
I could spend time telling you how I ended up believing this, but that is really not important – it is interesting but not terribly helpful to ending the problem. The minute my friend said that I was blocking out the good by this view that the world is unfriendly, I woke up! Although I may have known what I was doing intellectually, my essence or spirit was not understanding it until that moment when I realized, “oh, she is right.” “Seeing the world as hostile has kept me from really enjoying the fruits of what I do.” After all, how could anyone receive anything from a world that seems to be a threat?
And even more important, anyone who believes that this world is a hostile place is by definition not living connected to God/Source/Creator. God or Source would not create such a place to begin with so even though I felt as if I were living side by side with God, I was not...instead, I was living in an alternate dimension where all was negative and angry.
Sweet Surrender
I cannot tell you how often I have used the word “surrender” in the last few months; I said it or thought it many, many times. Despite how much I used that word, I never actually understood what I meant by it! I was certain of one thing: Once I surrendered, I would finally be free of this gripping financial fear issue and the constant struggle with my family to understand and know me in my current role of intuitive, healer and spiritual adviser. So there I would sit in meditation, trying desperately to surrender and to feel that release. I craved that freedom that I just knew would engulf my whole being and then I would know that I had turned the corner. Try, try as I might, that freedom and surrender just would not come!
In fact, I kept actually feeling a physical block from surrender. I was working as hard as I could...trying to get there, but something kept blocking me from achieving it and so I worked even harder trying to get there, to that illusive surrender.
Then today, while reading about light workers, I was thinking about all those wonderful souls that I work with who (like me) are light workers when suddenly, BOOM, I felt it! I knew what it was in an instant! The IT was surrender! I had just surrendered fully!
Right then and there, I realized that surrender was not something I had to actively move towards or work at. All I had to do was move out of my own way and let God come into me! What I mean is this: I often talk about having a relationship with Source/Creator/God and how personal and intimate this must be. That is true. You must cultivate a relationship with Source that allows you to go there and be with Source when you need to. But, what I have left out is the following: You must allow God to come into you! This is the surrender. This is the place where you simply allow and KNOW from within and without that all you do, say, be and feel is from God/Source/Creator. From that moment on, as you move out of the way, life is no longer about you and control or ego; that part of you has surrendered (stepped aside) and is now replaced by God/Source/Creator!
And when it happens, oh my! When you release everything and know deep, deep down that it will be alright because you are no longer flying your plane; instead, you have turned that plane called LIFE over to the most sophisticated and powerful auto-pilot around!! You can sit back and glide - just learning and being because literally you and the father are one! Finally.
In these last few months, I knew something was wrong, but I did not realize it was the fundamental point of once again releasing control. In all the struggle and fear, I had taken back my ego and in doing so, my ego began holding me hostage.
“What will I do? What should I do? Should I get a “real” job like everyone is telling me to do? Why is this so hard...why can't this be easy ?” Mind chatter would go on and on... and on.
On top of all that, I began to resent people that I perceived as being responsible for my downfall...my family who was not supporting me and never had; my clients who were not following through when they had opted to work the month, but then canceled on me at the last minute. Once again, although I knew better, I was obsessed with everything outside of me; not only was I obsessed, but I was trying to fix, control or judge all of it. By doing this, I was once again imprisoned in negativity and powerlessness. Aarggghhhhh!!!
In the moment when I surrendered, I knew myself to be one with Creator/God/Source; instantly, all my resentments, worries and fears slipped easily away into some abyss no longer connected to anything to do with me. I am free!
So, remember that to surrender, you don't have to work at anything or aim for something or get somewhere. All you need to do is literally get out of your own way and invite your God/Creator/Source into that wide open space and become one with you. From this place of wholeness, you can know and be pure consciousness and bliss.
I am sharing with you, in order, the more recent epiphanies that I have had....here is the last piece of my big puzzle:
Crushing Cruelty
The other day I received an incredibly cruel and hateful letter from my landlord in response to my giving notice and explaining why I was leaving. I almost printed the letter here so you could see how venomous this was! I was shocked by the letter and its sentiment because I had no idea that I was disliked this intensely; for months, all the communications had told me that I was the most kind and considerate tenant ever!
What bothered me even more was the anger that was being poured into this piece of paper as if unloading on me would cure the deep fear the author was clearly experiencing. We have spent so many years being told that we must speak our truth as if being sure to blame someone else will release what we are feeling. Trust me, it doesn't. You will never be able to let all that negativity out of you until you actually take responsibility for creating it in the first place.
What I know is this: I may make mistakes but how someone else feels about me is THEIR issue, not mine as I have no control over their emotional state. After reading the letter, I was sad because I had no idea that the level of hostility towards me went so deep; had I known, I would have left months earlier. I never want to be in a situation where I am not wanted that much!
When I responded, I did so in kindness because the only thing I can control is how I feel, what I do and what I say; therefore, I am not going to respond to anger and hate with that in return. Instead, I will wrap it in love and energy with the intention of diffusing the power of it so that my body is not negatively affected by it.
Being able to do this was a result of all the work I have done over the years on learning about my purpose for being here and how to elevate my consciousness. I know that I am 100% responsible for changing anything in my life that I do not like; it it not someone else' responsibility to fix me. I could clearly see what was theirs to handle and what was mine.
Cells have memory.
Ok..so the truth of the matter, is I started to really get overwhelmed by the hostility directed at me in that letter. In becoming overwhelmed, I right away went back into fear. Despite all the work I have done and all the continued awareness, it is very easy for my body, mind and spirit to revert to old patterns. Even if I have released what I believe are the guts of those patterns, there are still remnants in my subconscious that I may not know about until these are brought forward into my conscious mind; however, the beauty of doing this work is knowing that I will have the opportunity to clear everything if I just keep going!
My body and spirit responds in the way it best remembers and until I change that, then I am stuck. So, much of what is happening now is simply a result of my past thinking and fear about the world. I get stuck in the subconscious belief that I am just not ok here. I have constructed a reality that, of course, will come after me since that is what I fear deep down. Also, having come from a fear-filled, overprotective family, I have created a pattern of relying on this family to bail me out of difficult situations. The result of doing this is a loss of courage and confidence that I can fall, pick myself up and continue on. Mistakes become too big and then I am too fearful of making them.
I had a realization through this experience that despite being sober for nearly four years, I have been unconsciously recreating those same patterns of addiction in other things. When I find myself in a crisis, I begin to panic and feel paralyzed. Then, I may decide I need to approach my father and ask for his help or to have him solve the problem. I agonize for days about having to, once again, admit my “failure” and go to him for help. This is true physical agony. Once I go to him, I receive the solution and I can release all the anxiety. Can you see how this is a little like an alcoholic agonizing over trying to not drink all day, then finally giving in and releasing all that pent up fear and anxiety once the alcohol hits the blood stream?
One of the hardest parts of life for an addict or alcoholic is overcoming the idea that stable is boring. For most of us, we have lived lives of extreme ups and downs. Stability is truly the unknown and if it is known to us, it seems dull. Although I have give up substances, I allowed the old patterns of chaos to creep back into my life and sabotage me. BUT...and this is the big BUT, I was able to see it! And, I was able to see it in a lot less time than it used to take. Most importantly, because I am taking responsibility for 100% of my life, I am able to CHANGE this and that is divine.
Today, I am been able to let go and move on to living a life as an adult woman who is true divinity as well.
Even though this may seem to take a great deal of time and a lot of hard work (both of which are true), the end result is living a life that is empowered, healthy and joyful with deep peace as well. Raising your consciousness so that your life is of a higher dimension, as well as having the tools to deal with all challenges is nothing short of miraculous and why not? Life should be celebrated and enjoyed...danced to and revelled in...the years go by in an instant and we must teach our children how precious these years are and how awesome this thing called Earth, Gaia is as well! Dance with me!
Not my will, but thine. Thank you for the lesson. - Paul Solomon
Monday, August 23, 2010
Dance with Joy, Celebrate in Awe and Be your Bliss!
I want to follow up my many musings about fear with a short, but to the point post about bliss....After all the fear drained out of me the other day, it was replaced with faith and by association bliss!
One of the attitudes I had stuffed back into my closet since I felt that I was “less than” was joy. I have not been celebrating and living in joy as I can and should do. If our reality really is reflected back to us, and I believe it is, then it is imperative that we celebrate and live in bliss today so that what is mirrored back to us tomorrow is equally as amazing!
I think many of us undergoing a spiritual journey tend to become very serious about our world and practice. I know I do. Often times, I forget that one ingredient essential to this entire process – Awe! I fail to celebrate when I wake up in the morning that I am so blessed to be able to create an entirely new day in which to dance, skip and play – or do cartwheels in the park!
Part of the problem is our failure to live in the now. Often times when I wake up, I am carrying yesterday or many yesterdays with me and that is a lot of baggage to have when you want to dance or skip or play! It is crucial that we treat each day as a new beginning and free of all our yesterdays. Additionally, this new beginning must not be wrapped in any fear of the future either. Tomorrow has not yet come, so it bears no influence on today's start up.
Another problem some of us have is being results or goal oriented. I know, I know ...we spend our entire lives being told we must form, set and reach our goals, but there is something very wrong with this approach. We fail to enjoy the journey or the process of getting where we want to go. When we miss what is happening along the path, we have missed an entire lifetime of things to be grateful for.
Often, I am so focused on what I want to achieve in meditation or healing that I forget to be present during the actual process. Most importantly, by focusing only on the goal, I can be very disappointed if my goal is not reached; I always have to remind myself that I am not the one healing...God is doing the work and it is God's will, not mine that matters. Since the outcome is not up to me, then I might as well enjoy the actual time spent getting wherever we are going!
Also, when we are so sensitive, we tend to have developed different methods of protecting ourselves by being defensive. I am guilty of this a lot...it usually shows up in my being isolated. When I first began my journey, I was isolated because I needed to work and study or pray; however, now I find that I often stay isolated to protect myself from being so sensitive and experiencing hurt in the outside world. This is a tough struggle – having enough faith that you know you are safe, but staying sensitive and empathic enough that you do your most good for others.
Many masters speak of seeing the world through God's eyes. I realized this morning as I was beginning another day, that to see this world through God's eyes would mean that I was full of bliss and excitement. Why blissful? Why wouldn't I see all the mistakes that man has made and feel sorrow? Because God does not have judgment or regret! Those are man/woman's emotions. God has only the purest love for all creation and as such could never see what is wrong...only what is right!
I have made a commitment to see what is right with the world and not what is wrong with it. I will decide to live in bliss, passion and joy for my opportunity to know and love as God does.
Won't you join me?
One of the attitudes I had stuffed back into my closet since I felt that I was “less than” was joy. I have not been celebrating and living in joy as I can and should do. If our reality really is reflected back to us, and I believe it is, then it is imperative that we celebrate and live in bliss today so that what is mirrored back to us tomorrow is equally as amazing!
I think many of us undergoing a spiritual journey tend to become very serious about our world and practice. I know I do. Often times, I forget that one ingredient essential to this entire process – Awe! I fail to celebrate when I wake up in the morning that I am so blessed to be able to create an entirely new day in which to dance, skip and play – or do cartwheels in the park!
Part of the problem is our failure to live in the now. Often times when I wake up, I am carrying yesterday or many yesterdays with me and that is a lot of baggage to have when you want to dance or skip or play! It is crucial that we treat each day as a new beginning and free of all our yesterdays. Additionally, this new beginning must not be wrapped in any fear of the future either. Tomorrow has not yet come, so it bears no influence on today's start up.
Another problem some of us have is being results or goal oriented. I know, I know ...we spend our entire lives being told we must form, set and reach our goals, but there is something very wrong with this approach. We fail to enjoy the journey or the process of getting where we want to go. When we miss what is happening along the path, we have missed an entire lifetime of things to be grateful for.
Often, I am so focused on what I want to achieve in meditation or healing that I forget to be present during the actual process. Most importantly, by focusing only on the goal, I can be very disappointed if my goal is not reached; I always have to remind myself that I am not the one healing...God is doing the work and it is God's will, not mine that matters. Since the outcome is not up to me, then I might as well enjoy the actual time spent getting wherever we are going!
Also, when we are so sensitive, we tend to have developed different methods of protecting ourselves by being defensive. I am guilty of this a lot...it usually shows up in my being isolated. When I first began my journey, I was isolated because I needed to work and study or pray; however, now I find that I often stay isolated to protect myself from being so sensitive and experiencing hurt in the outside world. This is a tough struggle – having enough faith that you know you are safe, but staying sensitive and empathic enough that you do your most good for others.
Many masters speak of seeing the world through God's eyes. I realized this morning as I was beginning another day, that to see this world through God's eyes would mean that I was full of bliss and excitement. Why blissful? Why wouldn't I see all the mistakes that man has made and feel sorrow? Because God does not have judgment or regret! Those are man/woman's emotions. God has only the purest love for all creation and as such could never see what is wrong...only what is right!
I have made a commitment to see what is right with the world and not what is wrong with it. I will decide to live in bliss, passion and joy for my opportunity to know and love as God does.
Won't you join me?
Friday, August 20, 2010
The Importance of Being Fearless
The Importance of being Fearless
For as long as I can remember, I have been afraid. Afraid of something, but I don't always know what that something is. I only know that this fear has trapped me, influenced every decision and action in my life and come close to taking my life as well. I cannot count the opportunities I have missed or walked away from due to this fear.
Even as a very young child, I was tremendously afraid. I was terrified of sirens and other loud noises. 4th of July was my nightmare! Going to see fireworks nearly unhinged me. My first memory of kindergarten is of crying hysterically outside the door while my mom bargain and bribes me to let go of her and go inside! This separation anxiety never really left me and reared its ugly head at the most inopportune times, such as sleep overs – usually resulting in my calling my mom or dad to come pick me up from my friend's house in the middle of the night. When I was thirteen, we went to visit my mother's family in Kansas. I was such a trembling ball of fear that my uncle who was a good ole boy, hunter type with three girls and two boys, begged my family to send me to them for a summer so that he could “toughen me up”.
Lately, I have been in such fear of financial ruin that I have become almost paralyzed by it. Let me walk you through my crazy thought process based on this fear. I have had to borrow money to survive and each time I need to ask for help, I am almost physically ill. I put off asking until I am nearly on empty. I also fight with myself about why I am failing to manifest what I want and need in my life when I know how to do this. It seems that I am able to manifest almost everything, except complete financial independence. After I have struggled with myself over all of that, I go to a darker place. In this place, I see myself as a burden to my family and others. I am a failure of the highest proportion - someone who will never get out of this horrible cycle...I even fantasize about being gone – being done, so no one will have to bother with me anymore – so I will no longer be a burden. The cycle of fear, anger and punishment keeps itself going and going and going until there seems to be no way out other than something extreme.
Now given the work that I do and all that I know, you would think that I would naturally just fall back on my faith. Wrong! The other issue I was having was trying to replace this huge unidentified fear with a blanket of faith...this was not working either. I had read everything I could get my hands on and done all the exercises to try and overcome this issue with faith. But, my fear was so deeply embedded in me that until I really understood what I was afraid of, I could not simply try to overpower the fear with faith.
But, I digress...let me tell you the entire fear story....
Perhaps the worst part of being such a fearful child was learning how to manipulate others into giving me what I wanted and therefore never having to learn how to walk through that fear. I was always able to find a way to quit or stop short of having to face my fear and this behavior was usually supported by my mother; of course, she had no way of knowing that this would haunt me later in life. Long story short, I was overprotected and guarded my entire life. I never grew up, nor learned how to face life on my own in a complete and mature way. My fear kept me a child and as such, I stayed completely dependent on my family rather than finding my own family to start and work towards.
In order to deal with this fear, I learned to control every aspect of my life including people. I became the A+ student, the teacher's pet, the “people-pleaser”. Even though my peers were not that impressed, I knew I had to please the adults at all costs. In high school, I was blessed with swimming talent and became the first freshman to swim varsity that year, breaking records left and right. Suddenly, I was incredibly popular with teachers, parents and finally, my peers. When I lost a uniform sweater that I was particularly attached to, I formed an intention in my mind that I would, at all costs, find that sweater if it took me the entire year! It didn't and I did find it. I share this with you to illustrate just how controlling I was in an effort to avoid the fear that chased me.
Everything came unglued for me when I started college. My entire high school social life was focused on my boyfriend (a track star to my swimming star) who I met when I was fourteen. He was one year older and together, we were going to save the world or at least, save the youth in the world! We were focused, motivated and totally committed. When he left for college that year before me, I lost my focus and commitment. I stopped swimming, tried out for the senior play and made it, started dating someone who was considered a “bad boy” (but wasn't) and somewhere in there, I fooled myself into thinking that I had rid myself of that awful fear – finally!
But, fear is a tricky business. If you don't face it, you don't end it...you cannot run from it and you cannot hide from it. You might be able to lull it into a corner where it sits quietly waiting for you to forget it is there and that is exactly what I did. I forgot about it until it got tired of sitting in that corner.
When I went off to college, I was a prime target for that fear. I no longer had parents asking me to achieve something. I no longer needed to perform for my teachers and make them happy. I was enrolled at UC Berkeley where everyone, especially as a freshman, was anonymous. The school was too large for there to be any other arrangement. At the time, I didn't realize this, but every one of my reasons for being were gone and suddenly I was lost. I had no idea how to create a life for myself. Most importantly, I didn't really even know who I was or what I wanted because I had spent so much time being defined by the people that I could please.
Over time, controlling the fear didn't work anymore and I was becoming depressed, anxious and angry. I had found therapy and a way to blame all of this dysfunction on everyone else. Unfortunately, that approach never really worked and certainly didn't free me from the fear; it only made me angrier.
Most importantly, the amount of time that I dedicated to avoiding fear kept me from finding out who I was and what I really wanted in this world. That made me even angrier – but at whom?
When my mother died in 1991, I was thirty years old and convinced that my fear of losing her is what caused her to die young. I remember noticing when my mom died what an impression she had made on everyone. People who only knew her briefly cried about her passing; the sad thing is she never knew just how much her light shown in this world. You see, she was also living in fear. She lived in fear her entire life and as a consequence, she never realized just how special she was to this world.
I look back at my twenties and thirties and realize the same thing. Although I made a huge impact on certain people in my life, I could never enjoy who I was because I really did not believe I was enough. So by the time my mother died, I was already a wreck. Add in my even deeper depression and anger and I was just searching for any way out. I found it in illness and chronic physical pain. The answer I thought, was in treating that physical pain and illness with a correct diagnosis, appropriate medical intervention and, of course, mind-numbing narcotics. Once again, I found a way to sedate the fear and return it to the corner.
All of this is something I am sharing with you because I want you to search your own story. Find out where you are hiding from fear and what that fear is about. Our entire world is built on and ruled by fear – fear that there is not enough, fear of differences and mainly, a fear that none of us will ever be enough. The media and governments keep this fear alive and use it to their advantage. The only way to keep the majority of people under the control of an elite few is to frighten the masses. Once they are sufficiently frightened, then this elite can swoop in and assure the panicked ones that they have an answer. The truth is that there is no real answer except to realize that there is really nothing to fear. Failing that, the elite few will always retain the power and it is in their best interest to maintain the illusion of fear so that the masses will remain submissive.
What are the results of fear in a society? I have already discussed control and anger. The other problem is judgment. People who are fearful are constantly working to identify a possible threat and that is usually other people. In order to stay one step ahead of the threat, we need to know what that threat is or who it is and what that person or persons is about. So we judge. We size them up to see if we can take them on or do we need to run away (fight or flight).
Often times, we first try to use ego to overpower our fear; in an effort to fool ourselves into thinking we are not the ones with a problem, we focus on others and judge continuously. By doing this, we always can blame someone else for our lack of power in life...we are the victim. Unfortunately, after a period of time, we find that we are not receiving the same satisfaction or escape from this pattern and we are forced once again, to look at ourselves.
I have also watched people acquire and hoard money in an attempt to control or diffuse their fear. The idea being that if they have enough cash flow, they will never be in a position to face something they cannot control or fix; however, this again is just avoiding the inevitable. There is never enough money to keep bad things from happening in life.
Control, anger, judgment, etc. all of these are very low frequency emotions. When we stay in anger, judgment and fear, we are vibrating as energy at a very low rate; this is what can cause illness in the body after a period of time. I would venture to say that, like me, most of my clients are incredible perfectionists who control every part of their lives as a result of the terrible fear they are living in.
Most importantly, fear and love are diametrically opposed. One cannot live in both at the same time. As long as you are running from or not facing your fear, you will never be able to truly find and stay in love. You might experience love for a period of time and during that time you will have raised your vibration high enough to feel that you are free from your fear, but it cannot last. Eventually, that fear will show itself and cause you to plummet to a low frequency once again. The two simply cannot occupy the same space for any length of time. Unfortunately, fear has been given so much power in most of our lives that it will win out.
When we have established a pattern over a lifetime, that pattern, even if it is detrimental to us, becomes familiar and what we know; leaving that well worn path can be more frightening and painful than the pain we are experiencing from the pattern itself and that is most often why people do not change. It is only through inspiration or desperation that we are prone to seek out a different way of being.
There are lots of resources out there that promise to help you eliminate fear! I have read and tried to use many of them, but to no avail. Change can happen in an instant, but it is the time leading up to that instant that usually takes the longest! People will change for one of two reasons – inspiration or desperation. In my case, sometimes it takes a bit of both!
Today, the fear was too great for me to continue the way I was going. I have developed heartburn which I have never had before. I am grinding my teeth and experiencing stomach pains. All the result of fear. Something had to change, but what? Finally, that small voice gave me the way...”Walk through your fear, beginning to end. See just what you are afraid of if you run out of money or don't have enough money.”
I forced myself to walk through this entire fear from beginning to end. What was I really afraid of? Am I more afraid of asking for help and appearing to be unsuccessful to my family or what is the fear really about? I thought it through slowly and in detail, from beginning to end – no money, becoming homeless, being afraid of living alone on the streets, being attacked, dying on the streets...Wait a minute, dying on the streets. And then, BOOM...it hit me! If the end result either way was death (from dying on the streets or suicide) what was the big deal? Just what was I so afraid of?
I was afraid of being afraid! That was it! And that was all it was...my fear of my fear! Once I saw this and felt it inside my essence, all the fear that I had kept for years just drained out of my body and as it did, I was lighter, relieved of all that burden!
So...there you have it. Fear of Fear! Remember when we were kids and there was a monster under the bed or in the closet? It inevitably grew larger and larger if we stayed in our beds and did not face it. But, once we found the flashlight and summoned up our courage to get out of bed, we found there was no monster at all – we had been afraid of being afraid!
I urge you all to take time to journal, draw or talk about your fear. Identify it...keep searching until you really, really find what it is you are afraid of and then walk it through from beginning to end. What is the absolute worst case scenario? See all of it in detail and when you get to the end, ask yourself if that worse case scenario is really all that bad?
David Hawkins in Power vs. Force states that every fear boils down to the fear of death. Once we eliminate that fear, we can be free from all the other fears in our life. Think about it...really digest that fear that you carry and decide if it is worth lugging it around or if maybe, just maybe you are only afraid of being afraid. And if so, then get out of bed and shine a light on that monster. I assure you, it will disappear instantly!
And the most beautiful part of eradicating fear? Faith. Once you allow that fear to drain out of your body, you can then fill up that space with faith and all that brings – blessings, comfort and miracles. Not a bad trade!
For as long as I can remember, I have been afraid. Afraid of something, but I don't always know what that something is. I only know that this fear has trapped me, influenced every decision and action in my life and come close to taking my life as well. I cannot count the opportunities I have missed or walked away from due to this fear.
Even as a very young child, I was tremendously afraid. I was terrified of sirens and other loud noises. 4th of July was my nightmare! Going to see fireworks nearly unhinged me. My first memory of kindergarten is of crying hysterically outside the door while my mom bargain and bribes me to let go of her and go inside! This separation anxiety never really left me and reared its ugly head at the most inopportune times, such as sleep overs – usually resulting in my calling my mom or dad to come pick me up from my friend's house in the middle of the night. When I was thirteen, we went to visit my mother's family in Kansas. I was such a trembling ball of fear that my uncle who was a good ole boy, hunter type with three girls and two boys, begged my family to send me to them for a summer so that he could “toughen me up”.
Lately, I have been in such fear of financial ruin that I have become almost paralyzed by it. Let me walk you through my crazy thought process based on this fear. I have had to borrow money to survive and each time I need to ask for help, I am almost physically ill. I put off asking until I am nearly on empty. I also fight with myself about why I am failing to manifest what I want and need in my life when I know how to do this. It seems that I am able to manifest almost everything, except complete financial independence. After I have struggled with myself over all of that, I go to a darker place. In this place, I see myself as a burden to my family and others. I am a failure of the highest proportion - someone who will never get out of this horrible cycle...I even fantasize about being gone – being done, so no one will have to bother with me anymore – so I will no longer be a burden. The cycle of fear, anger and punishment keeps itself going and going and going until there seems to be no way out other than something extreme.
Now given the work that I do and all that I know, you would think that I would naturally just fall back on my faith. Wrong! The other issue I was having was trying to replace this huge unidentified fear with a blanket of faith...this was not working either. I had read everything I could get my hands on and done all the exercises to try and overcome this issue with faith. But, my fear was so deeply embedded in me that until I really understood what I was afraid of, I could not simply try to overpower the fear with faith.
But, I digress...let me tell you the entire fear story....
Perhaps the worst part of being such a fearful child was learning how to manipulate others into giving me what I wanted and therefore never having to learn how to walk through that fear. I was always able to find a way to quit or stop short of having to face my fear and this behavior was usually supported by my mother; of course, she had no way of knowing that this would haunt me later in life. Long story short, I was overprotected and guarded my entire life. I never grew up, nor learned how to face life on my own in a complete and mature way. My fear kept me a child and as such, I stayed completely dependent on my family rather than finding my own family to start and work towards.
In order to deal with this fear, I learned to control every aspect of my life including people. I became the A+ student, the teacher's pet, the “people-pleaser”. Even though my peers were not that impressed, I knew I had to please the adults at all costs. In high school, I was blessed with swimming talent and became the first freshman to swim varsity that year, breaking records left and right. Suddenly, I was incredibly popular with teachers, parents and finally, my peers. When I lost a uniform sweater that I was particularly attached to, I formed an intention in my mind that I would, at all costs, find that sweater if it took me the entire year! It didn't and I did find it. I share this with you to illustrate just how controlling I was in an effort to avoid the fear that chased me.
Everything came unglued for me when I started college. My entire high school social life was focused on my boyfriend (a track star to my swimming star) who I met when I was fourteen. He was one year older and together, we were going to save the world or at least, save the youth in the world! We were focused, motivated and totally committed. When he left for college that year before me, I lost my focus and commitment. I stopped swimming, tried out for the senior play and made it, started dating someone who was considered a “bad boy” (but wasn't) and somewhere in there, I fooled myself into thinking that I had rid myself of that awful fear – finally!
But, fear is a tricky business. If you don't face it, you don't end it...you cannot run from it and you cannot hide from it. You might be able to lull it into a corner where it sits quietly waiting for you to forget it is there and that is exactly what I did. I forgot about it until it got tired of sitting in that corner.
When I went off to college, I was a prime target for that fear. I no longer had parents asking me to achieve something. I no longer needed to perform for my teachers and make them happy. I was enrolled at UC Berkeley where everyone, especially as a freshman, was anonymous. The school was too large for there to be any other arrangement. At the time, I didn't realize this, but every one of my reasons for being were gone and suddenly I was lost. I had no idea how to create a life for myself. Most importantly, I didn't really even know who I was or what I wanted because I had spent so much time being defined by the people that I could please.
Over time, controlling the fear didn't work anymore and I was becoming depressed, anxious and angry. I had found therapy and a way to blame all of this dysfunction on everyone else. Unfortunately, that approach never really worked and certainly didn't free me from the fear; it only made me angrier.
Most importantly, the amount of time that I dedicated to avoiding fear kept me from finding out who I was and what I really wanted in this world. That made me even angrier – but at whom?
When my mother died in 1991, I was thirty years old and convinced that my fear of losing her is what caused her to die young. I remember noticing when my mom died what an impression she had made on everyone. People who only knew her briefly cried about her passing; the sad thing is she never knew just how much her light shown in this world. You see, she was also living in fear. She lived in fear her entire life and as a consequence, she never realized just how special she was to this world.
I look back at my twenties and thirties and realize the same thing. Although I made a huge impact on certain people in my life, I could never enjoy who I was because I really did not believe I was enough. So by the time my mother died, I was already a wreck. Add in my even deeper depression and anger and I was just searching for any way out. I found it in illness and chronic physical pain. The answer I thought, was in treating that physical pain and illness with a correct diagnosis, appropriate medical intervention and, of course, mind-numbing narcotics. Once again, I found a way to sedate the fear and return it to the corner.
All of this is something I am sharing with you because I want you to search your own story. Find out where you are hiding from fear and what that fear is about. Our entire world is built on and ruled by fear – fear that there is not enough, fear of differences and mainly, a fear that none of us will ever be enough. The media and governments keep this fear alive and use it to their advantage. The only way to keep the majority of people under the control of an elite few is to frighten the masses. Once they are sufficiently frightened, then this elite can swoop in and assure the panicked ones that they have an answer. The truth is that there is no real answer except to realize that there is really nothing to fear. Failing that, the elite few will always retain the power and it is in their best interest to maintain the illusion of fear so that the masses will remain submissive.
What are the results of fear in a society? I have already discussed control and anger. The other problem is judgment. People who are fearful are constantly working to identify a possible threat and that is usually other people. In order to stay one step ahead of the threat, we need to know what that threat is or who it is and what that person or persons is about. So we judge. We size them up to see if we can take them on or do we need to run away (fight or flight).
Often times, we first try to use ego to overpower our fear; in an effort to fool ourselves into thinking we are not the ones with a problem, we focus on others and judge continuously. By doing this, we always can blame someone else for our lack of power in life...we are the victim. Unfortunately, after a period of time, we find that we are not receiving the same satisfaction or escape from this pattern and we are forced once again, to look at ourselves.
I have also watched people acquire and hoard money in an attempt to control or diffuse their fear. The idea being that if they have enough cash flow, they will never be in a position to face something they cannot control or fix; however, this again is just avoiding the inevitable. There is never enough money to keep bad things from happening in life.
Control, anger, judgment, etc. all of these are very low frequency emotions. When we stay in anger, judgment and fear, we are vibrating as energy at a very low rate; this is what can cause illness in the body after a period of time. I would venture to say that, like me, most of my clients are incredible perfectionists who control every part of their lives as a result of the terrible fear they are living in.
Most importantly, fear and love are diametrically opposed. One cannot live in both at the same time. As long as you are running from or not facing your fear, you will never be able to truly find and stay in love. You might experience love for a period of time and during that time you will have raised your vibration high enough to feel that you are free from your fear, but it cannot last. Eventually, that fear will show itself and cause you to plummet to a low frequency once again. The two simply cannot occupy the same space for any length of time. Unfortunately, fear has been given so much power in most of our lives that it will win out.
When we have established a pattern over a lifetime, that pattern, even if it is detrimental to us, becomes familiar and what we know; leaving that well worn path can be more frightening and painful than the pain we are experiencing from the pattern itself and that is most often why people do not change. It is only through inspiration or desperation that we are prone to seek out a different way of being.
There are lots of resources out there that promise to help you eliminate fear! I have read and tried to use many of them, but to no avail. Change can happen in an instant, but it is the time leading up to that instant that usually takes the longest! People will change for one of two reasons – inspiration or desperation. In my case, sometimes it takes a bit of both!
Today, the fear was too great for me to continue the way I was going. I have developed heartburn which I have never had before. I am grinding my teeth and experiencing stomach pains. All the result of fear. Something had to change, but what? Finally, that small voice gave me the way...”Walk through your fear, beginning to end. See just what you are afraid of if you run out of money or don't have enough money.”
I forced myself to walk through this entire fear from beginning to end. What was I really afraid of? Am I more afraid of asking for help and appearing to be unsuccessful to my family or what is the fear really about? I thought it through slowly and in detail, from beginning to end – no money, becoming homeless, being afraid of living alone on the streets, being attacked, dying on the streets...Wait a minute, dying on the streets. And then, BOOM...it hit me! If the end result either way was death (from dying on the streets or suicide) what was the big deal? Just what was I so afraid of?
I was afraid of being afraid! That was it! And that was all it was...my fear of my fear! Once I saw this and felt it inside my essence, all the fear that I had kept for years just drained out of my body and as it did, I was lighter, relieved of all that burden!
So...there you have it. Fear of Fear! Remember when we were kids and there was a monster under the bed or in the closet? It inevitably grew larger and larger if we stayed in our beds and did not face it. But, once we found the flashlight and summoned up our courage to get out of bed, we found there was no monster at all – we had been afraid of being afraid!
I urge you all to take time to journal, draw or talk about your fear. Identify it...keep searching until you really, really find what it is you are afraid of and then walk it through from beginning to end. What is the absolute worst case scenario? See all of it in detail and when you get to the end, ask yourself if that worse case scenario is really all that bad?
David Hawkins in Power vs. Force states that every fear boils down to the fear of death. Once we eliminate that fear, we can be free from all the other fears in our life. Think about it...really digest that fear that you carry and decide if it is worth lugging it around or if maybe, just maybe you are only afraid of being afraid. And if so, then get out of bed and shine a light on that monster. I assure you, it will disappear instantly!
And the most beautiful part of eradicating fear? Faith. Once you allow that fear to drain out of your body, you can then fill up that space with faith and all that brings – blessings, comfort and miracles. Not a bad trade!
Thursday, August 19, 2010
Akashic Field & Spirit Guides - An Explanation
This is one of the best descriptions of the Akashic Field (records) and how spirit guides work that I have read...take a look!! Namaste.
The Awakening - Akashic Records
The Awakening - Akashic Records
Monday, August 16, 2010
Derek Redmond 1992- Never give up!! .mp4
Someone was kind enough to send this to me when I was having doubts...I share this with you because it says more than I could ever say in words. You are enough, you are loved and you must finish your race - never quit before the miracle. Namaste.
Sunday, August 15, 2010
Some of my best friends and helpful healers in their own right!
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| Cashew the Kitty Kat (Maine Coon rescue) and Zen Meditator!! |
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