ATONEMENT or AtONEment

I woke up the other morning with an epiphany!  Life is too short to spend it upset, in guilt, in fear or hatred, or in anger.

No perfect father who created everything would create anything but infinite, unconditional love.

Therefore, that is how I would now live.  No linger would I project out blame, anger, fear and guilt.  Now I would question ALL that I had been taught by those who had been taught throughout the many years of societies.  I would no longer be ruled by resentments and labels that supposedly described me!

I was none of those things.  Instead I was a creation of perfection, brilliance and infinite light ...made amidst unconditional love.

I was, in fact, a part of Creator and if Creator knew no opposites, neither did I.  Instead, I only new how to be ONE with all.  Why would I believe anything else?  This world is merely an illusion or dream created by us so that we may wake up and realize that none of it was ever true.

Illness or Chronic Pain

Dear Friends,

If you are dealing with an acquaintance, friend or loved one who is struggling with illness and/or chronic pain but the answers as to why are elusive, please don't make assumptions.  We are not always meant to have the answers until we are ready for them.

Over the course of my illness in the last three years, I have not always had a "why" that can be answered definitively.  Sometimes I even look very healthy to you; however, that does not mean I am not still struggling to stay alive.

I have recently been accused of being beaten by a boyfriend as well as accused of using heroin or methamphetamine just so someone could satisfy their own need to justify my illness.

This type of judgement is so damaging to anyone who is trying to heal or find their own acceptance of a horrific diagnosis.

Instead, realize your need to know is not important to the process...instead, offering unconditional love and space to heal is required.  Practice this and you will be amazed at the shift that will occur within you and for that individual who is so sick.

The Great Illusion

We have, in fact, dreamt this physical world into existence.  All the characters are imbibed with their seemingly own ability to create and dream as we do.  Each experience is meant for us individually - to teach us something about ourselves.  Therefore, every person is also dreamt into reality to teach us about ourselves so that we may ultimately awaken from the dream, remembering we are Home.

One

You are, in truth, one with God/Creator.  As the right hand meets the left in prayer, so too does duality merge into One.

Falling Back Into Old Habits

How easily I can fall into old patterns.

When I was diagnosed a few weeks ago, I was calm.  I felt deep within that this was all happening for a reason and this reason was between God and me.  I knew I could heal but was not certain if I would be cured.  Somehow this was alright in my mind.

Well, as time has gone on, I have talked with others about this diagnosis.  I am now noticing a trend...a pattern of needing attention and holding onto self-pity is developing and taking hold.   These are very dangerous roads to go down.  

Additionally, I am stepping back into the past and attempting to hold others responsible for my predicament!  "Why didn't that doctor, who I thought was so great, take me seriously ten years ago and just order the tests I knew I should have?  Why didn't the hospital, when I was admitted for seizures in 2013 catch what was going on then?  Why didn't anyone listen to me or take me seriously?  

All of this is counterintuitive to my healing.  I cannot hold onto the past with both hands and at the same time, live in the present.  Once again, I must stress that we write our own stories in our life for reasons we may never know.  We are responsible if we get trapped in the pages of our own book.

For this reason, me must become eagle eye editors of our manuscript!  We must be excruciatingly honest with ourselves and why we have lived the plots we have written.  The only way to heal is to truly forgive the past so we can change the ending to our book.  We cannot do this by reliving moments over and over again so that we feel justified and angry about who did or didn't do what to us.

Nothing outside of us should have more power than that true Being and Self that is within us.  Be still, go within and look deeper.  You will connect to your own magnificence and remember your purpose for everything.  This is pure bliss!

I Am

Everything I thought I was is no longer.  Everything I believed was important has no meaning any longer.

I am literally stripped bare emotionally, physically, spiritually.  I am left to wonder who or what I am now.

LOOK DEEPER

I know this is an opportunity.  Perhaps the greatest opportunity I will ever be given.  

I cannot lie...I am terrified.

Today is brand new...I am not frightened today!

As I was stepping out of the shower, I realized I am not my body, I am not the frightened little girl who was trapped in the pages of her own storybook - telling a story of a frightening world and people who would disappoint...I am someone I cannot describe in words.  

I am ancient cosmic energy that was created in the purest and most powerful love - that is as close as I can get with words.  

I seek out and have experienced all corners, if there are any, of the universe.  I float effortlessly amongst all creation acknowledging the beauty, the power, the Oneness.  

I am.

True Beauty

"Problems and strife come as a result of our not knowing who we are and not being able to show our inner beauty. We’ve created so much judgment about what’s “perfect,” which leads to doubt and competitiveness. ".   Anita Moorjani  Dying to be Me

I think we all struggle to find and accept our beauty.  We believe the advertisers who tell us we cannot be beautiful unless we do this, buy that, etc.  We are rarely at peace with our beauty in the moment, because we are committed instead to BECOMING beautiful.

Since I was given the "bad" news about my health, I have had several moments in the last couple of weeks where I look in the mirror and see my own beauty!  It may start with a recognition of the exterior, but then it goes much, much deeper.  It is almost as if I am perceiving myself from the inside out and the Self that I am perceiving is glowing with incandescent light.

This is such a foreign concept to me that at first I did not recognize myself or even believe in what I was seeing.  I kept waiting for the illusion to disappear!  As I sat with the image a bit longer, I accepted this inner being as the Me/Self that was created at the beginning of time and will continue on forever.

I felt in someway that I was meeting mySelf for the very first time!  More importantly, I was captured by the immense beauty, power and love that was Me and exuding from Me.  I felt beautiful and blessed in a way that no superficial view of myself could ever offer.

All of this is coming from my willingness to "Look Deeper"; to release the past and the fear and anger that went with it; to forgive myself for the skewed perspectives I held on to for so long; to release the patterns of self hatred; to see the golden and silver threads that connect us all as an ancient and infinite energy that can never be divided; to allow each day to be a new beginning where the past is nonexistent and I am healthy, loved and have completely and spiritually surrendered.

“The reality of my life cannot die for I am indestructible consciousness.”~Paramahansa Yogananda

"Because the external world is simply a reflection of our internal world.  And the internal world gets knocked around daily by the circumstances that occur in the external world.  Life is a delicate dance of internal alignment and external circumstances."

- Ruth Lera