Reality...just what is it?

We, or more specifically scientists, are finding that what we have long thought was reality is instead simply our unique perception of reality; therefore, what we believe we see as reality is truly the magic of how our senses transmit electrical impulses through our brains so that these powerful computers can make sense of the stimuli. Much of what we believe to be real is from what others have told us and how our brain uses stored information to fill in gaps when necessary. Consequently reality may be more subjective than first thought.

Here is something to ponder then: what if the first humans only perceived that there were things to be feared in their relatively unknown world? What if there was never a lack of resources that required fighting over? What if there was always enough territory for plants, animals and all humans so nothing required domination?

How different would the world be today IF we perceived everything through the hearts and minds of unconditional love rather than abject fear? I believe we could wipe out poverty, war and disease immediately with this shift from fear to love

Contracts We Make

I have been working hard on unveiling and healing myself of the deepest wounds within. While doing this, I was blessed with one magnificent vision and a moment where that still small voice of my guides came through to teach me.

The first vision is me as a newborn. I am swaddled in brilliant light and love as I am held in my Creator's arms. It is when I realize I am truly a child born of this Creator- GOD.

Secondly, I remembered times as a very young child when my brother (only 15minths older) had to ride a bus to school. This was a school for children who, like my brother, had been diagnosed with cerebral palsy. I looked up to see my mom weeping as her first born child had to leave for school. My mom hated the school, but at the time, most public schools would not take children with any physical issues no matter how slight.

Right then as I dried her tears the best I could for my size, I made a covenant with myself: I would never cause my parents any pain if I could help it. This promise was kept to myself and caused many unnecessary issues later on.

My guides made it clear that I was not to make covenants with others UNLESS they know and agree to them. By trying to be so noble at age 3 or 4, I did not have the information necessary to realize the impact of my solo promise!

Pain is available to teach us so there is no way to prevent or escape it. It is how we deal with the fear of the pain as well as the pain that matters and helps our spirits grow.

I am thankful for all my lessons and gladly look to more.

Getting to Know Me

Over time, I have realized that most of my youth was spent trying desperately to please others in an effort to be loved. As I got older, I brought this pattern into adult relationships as well. 

Now I could go to counseling and I did...what I found out was that my parents loved me to the best of their abilities and any inability to love probably came from their own issues with their parents and how they grew up. I also learned about passive aggressiveness during these sessions.

In studying spirituality and healing, I learned that I could and must change the way I looked at things and in time, the things I looked at would change. This made a great deal of sense.

However, after the death of my dad (my mom passed in 1991), I realized that I had some very deep pain inside of me - this pain always came out as feeling that my family really never loved me UNLESS I was doing what they approved of. Deep, deep down, I was never loved unconditionally despite it all.

I tried to change my perceptions....I truly believe that I am a child of God and that is enough - or at least I understand this intellectually. Unfortunately, far down in my soul, I still have had incredibly pain and I cannot figure out why, if I am so loved by God, I just don't feel it.

Today I heard that still, small voice that is booming with wisdom! "You are loved unconditionally but you refuse to let anyone in to love you in this way."

WOW!!! Could it be that simple? Was I not allowing love in? The answer was clear...love IS unconditional but it must be allowed into the soul and heart to have an impact. Sometimes the answer is so simple, it is too hard to see!

Forgiveness Lessons

I continue to learn lessons of forgiveness. Forgiveness is NOT about the other person or about condoning something. Forgiveness is about freedom for yourself. When we forgive, we allow our bodies, our minds, and our spirits to be free from anger and fear...from there, we move into love which is healing and powerful. 

Recently, I also learned that forgiveness is about allowing another person or persons to make the choice to no longer have a relationship with me. For a long time, I believed that if I forgave someone and they forgave me, it was imperative that we continue a relationship. I could not understand someone no longer wanting to stay connected...after all, there was forgiveness, wasn't there?

Now I understand that true forgiveness means letting go when one or both of us needs to walk away. No one is required to remain connected. Being able to let go with love is perhaps the most healing and powerful journey we can undertake.

May all your days be blessed with love, healing and forgiveness when necessary.

Caught in My Grief

Today I received an invitation to a memorial service for all of us associated with the same hospice who assisted in caring for our loved ones before their passing. Upon reading the invite, I burst into tears thinking about my dad and my mom and how much I miss both of them. This caught me by surprise as I truly thought I was past the deep grief I had felt when my father first passed away ( my mom died in 1991 so I really thought I was healed from that )....

After a few minutes, I felt my divine connection with Spirit, God and my family. I realized that my mom, my dad and all those we love are NOT their bodies. They are, instead, infinite, loving spirits who will exist forever as one with me. I am never alone when I remember this.

My grief is for the human side of me that forgets we are more than our bodies. I remind myself to live in the present and always, always see life through love, not fear. From this perspective, all is as it is and should be.

How To Find A Healer/Spiritual Counselor

I am watching a 20/20 about a self help "guru" who was charged with homicide after conducting a vision quest and sweat lodge in Arizona. The participants who paid $10,000 for this experience were left alone in the dessert for 36 hours with no food, no water and no shelter! This was the vision quest...after this, participants were to endure a sweat lodge without any true supervision or understanding of the Native American beliefs and practices that are a true swart lodge experience. Some people died and others seriously injured.

As someone who works with others on spiritual journeys and healing, I say, use common sense! Talk with anyone who calls themselves a guru...ask questions as you would ask of a doctor or lawyer you were thinking of hiring. Make sure to do your homework and you feel that this person has integrity to be helping you on a journey that is truly intimate. Be comfortable with them and if you aren't, say so. Anyone worth their salt will take this as good and helpful information - they will not respond with ego.

Our spirits are precious and must be treated with love, care and protections they are not to be handed over to someone ever. Remember, YOU and God do the work...your healer or guide is just that - a guide, nothing more.

The journey to spirit is not easy but is should be undertaken with awe as well as caution. Move at your own pace and get ready for some truly amazing experiences!!

A Tribute to My Father

I realized recently that my brother and I did not post an obituary for my dad. After all, I had written my mom's obituary mainly to take some of my dad's pain away. My mom was a beautiful, brilliant actress and artist who never noticed how much attention she was getting! People loved her. My dad adored her. Animals thought she was Sow White! Women enjoyed being around her compassion, love, and wisdom. She was the greatest Mom to me. In addition, she had an accomplished career in stage, television and film. I was blessed to work with her in a stage production,a few years before she passed. I cherish this time we had.

In August 2011, i had tried to reach my dad but couldn't. I knew intuitively that something was not right.

I rushed over to his apartment where I found my dad in his chair unable to stand up. Although we don't have a perfect timetable for how his stroke happened, we do know he was home, safe and aware. When I found him, he smiled, spoke clearly to me and was even making jokes!!!

My father is truly an American success story. His father and mother were born and raised in Russia during the time Lenin was changing the entire world. It was clear to my grandfather that he would need to leave the Ukraine in order to avoid fighting against family. Both the Red and White armies were after him. After careful thought, my grandmother decided to remain in the Ukraine due to the fact that she had her first born son there. My grandfather would return shortly to get them out.

Unfortunately, no one counted on World War I breaking out. With my Grandfather here in Pittsburgh, my grandmother would have to wait seven long years before she could escape with her baby boy. They spent those years hiding in the hills and trees away from the fighting. Finally they joined my grandfather's brother (Uncle Pete) and made their way to freedom in the .U.S. My father was born ten months later!

My dad's only goal in his young life was to escape the coal mines and Pittsburgh...growing up, he delivered lunch to his dad in the mines!! At age 16, my father began college at the University of Pittsburgh. By age 21, he was a practicing dentist!! My father is very intelligent -I.e. genius and motivated.

After serving in World War II and the Korean War, he headed for sunshine and a new degree (surgery) in sunny California- More specifically Los Angeles. He set up practice near the Burbank Airport and Lockheed and then met a beautiful and successful actress. - my mom! Their dentist introduced them!

A little while later, they married and had a brand new baby boy (my brother). Sixteen months later, I came along.

I am truly blessed to have been the daughter of two beautiful beings. My parents were loving, wise and dedicated to leaving this world a better place by their thought, words and deeds. I miss them everyday but know they are always with me. I hope I have lived my life with the same dedication to love that they did.